The Informed person's guide to beauty, fashion and lifestyle.
YOU HAVE SEEN women at poolside wrap a towel around their waist
or chest and make a quick knot or tuck. This is called a sarong,
and when the item is designed for it with curved hems and ties,
it can add a lot of interest to your look.
Sarong skirts make a nice change the from straight, multi-gore
or long and billowy skirts to which you were introduced in my
last contribution. They add softness and a casual elegance to
your look. The most versatile ones are pre-wrapped and pre-tied,
in a print or color that builds with your other clothes. They
are simple to hook together, but because they dominate a fashion
statement, top it simply. A cat-suit, body suit, leotard or tank
top may not be advisable for you, but stay away from a frilly
poet's blouse; the two pieces will compete for the eye's attention,
and the look will be too busy. As a rule, when skirts are special,
tops should be spare. At the very least, use a top that tucks
in and has a close fit. And do not use a tailored jacket with
a sarong skirt, or you will end up with a strange bulge; save
the blazer for sheaths or drindles. In shopping for a sarong,
choose softer, lighter fabrics for a prettier, more flattering
wrap and drape. Stay away from stiff cottons, denim and twill.
Another addition is a dramatic top. A clean long shirt in a comfortable
fabric -- get that tunic if you haven't done it yet. Or maybe
it will be a shirt with long collar points and huge puffed sleeves.
And if the blouse is exceptional, keep the bottom simple: narrow,
simple skirt, or tapered pants, leggings, slim jeans.
As an across-the-closet rule, never dilute a dramatic, grand-
gesture piece by wearing it with anything that competes.
As you build a wardrobe, choose pieces with staying power. You
can get clothes with style longevity by getting classic cuts.
You can get these to be more feminine by choosing softer fabrics
and colors. Try transparent fabrics in a blouse or skirt. Such
a skirt can be worn under a long tunic, and a blouse can be worn
over a tube top or leotard, or under a jacket for a more modest
look. A sheer scarf can make the plainest suit more feminine and
dramatic. Somewhere down the line, consider a softer jacket with
a natural shoulder line.
A sheath dress can have scarves, blazers and sweaters added to
change their look. A sheer shirt as a jacket with a classic necklace
is more elegant for evening than the blazer and bolder jewelry
you can wear to work. Tie a sash around your waist and wear a
big cuff bracelet and earrings to make it fun.
Big white harem pants can be worn with that blazer and a matching
scarf around your neck for an elegant look.
Find a shirt with a long hem and tie the ends around your waist
for a sexy twist to a classic shirt shape. You can tie the hem
loosely low for a more demure look, or higher to bare the midriff
for a more revealing look. Such a look can be accented many ways.
I remember the old bell-bottoms used to work well this way, and
you might consider today's tighter, slimmer jeans with such a
top. The sweeping billowy skirts that were already recommended
in part one will do nicely, or you can wear stirrup pants in a
nice spring color or print.
SHOPPING IN YOUR CLOSET
Maybe you don't stand in front of your closet thinking "I have
nothing to wear." But often shopping for a new outfit can take
place in your own home. "Most of us have what we need; we just
have to rethink, rearrange and regroup," says a New York wardrobe
consultant.
Go through everything in your closet or collection at least once
a year. Twice a year is even better. Look at every piece individually
and consider what you really wear. Most women wear a few favorite
outfits over and over again.
Try on a few of your clothes, then divide them into piles. One
for the dry-cleaners. One for getting rid of. One for mending,
altering or updating. One for clothes that are just fine as they
are. Remember that if you haven't worn it in three years, it's
probably okay to get rid of it.
Break up all your suits and think of different ways of putting
things together. Both pieces of a black suit can probably be worn
with many things in your wardrobe. Reorganize your closet into
separate sections for jackets, skirts, blouses, etc.
Try to combine your sweaters and blouses with many different
jackets, skirts and pants.
Pull out all your accessories. Do you have a lot? Hang scarves
where you can see them. Keep jewelry on view for inspiration.
Display earrings on a wire grid, hang necklaces from a nail or
a belt hanger. Use a tackle box for pins and earrings. Or pin
pins onto a small pillow. Find the courage to try a little larger
earring, a wilder scarf, a bolder belt. These can all completely
change your look.
Photograph your new outfit combinations so you'll remember the
way you put them together. Paste snapshots on the inside of your
closet door, or create a photo album for your own personal style
workbook.
Make a list of the items you'll need to complete your wardrobe.
Keep in mind how versatile some basic pieces are, like a black
turtleneck, which goes under almost everything, a good black skirt,
and bodysuits, which pull everything together. Jackets are important
wardrobe-builders; that's where you should invest your money,
to get good fit and quality. A jacket will be with you for some
time hence.
A MEMORABLE TOAST
Consider your words as a gift to the one your toasting. Be sincere,
upbeat, flattering and if possible make reference to your relationship.
Be brief; think three sentences, not a speech. Be audible and
articulate. As a courtesy, wait for the host (or the senior person
at business functions) to propose the first toast. If none is
forthcoming, discreetly ask your host if you may offer a toast.
As you give that toast, stand, lift your glass and make eye contact
with the toasted.
If you are called upon in advance to make a toast, prepare! Enlist
a sympathetic ear or practice from a script before a mirror. Also,
don't omit the clinking of glasses to honor the history of the
toast. In Medieval days, the ring of the toast was believed to
drive away the evil spirits.
CHOOSING A PHOTOGRAPHER
Examine the samples. Make sure that the photos are the type you
want, that they have the same look and style that you are seeking.
The photographer is likely to place his best work before you.
Ask him or her if she can accomplish the same effect with you
as the subject. Ask him or her how any difficulties or problems
you have in mind will be overcome.
Scrutinize the quality of the prints. Ask whether retouching
and color balancing are done automatically or only upon request.
Ask exactly what the fees include. How long is the sitting, and
what happens if none of the proofs are to your liking. Does the
price include a specific number of enlargements? Can you keep
the proofs? Make sure you know precisely what you're getting for
your money.
Are the samples done by the actual photographer with whom you'll
be working. In larger studios, perhaps one photographer did the
albums and somebody else will be on called for you.
Inquire about delivery time. Make sure that it's reasonable and
within your schedule. Some couples wait for up to a year for their
wedding pictures.
Establish a rapport. Exchange ideas about what your looking for.
Ask for references. Follow them up.
MOVING FORWARD
THE FIRST STEP to moving forward is to realize that you are stagnating.
before you can take control of any growth, you have to understand
what your problem is and that you have a problem in the first
place. Complacency will keep you forever in your situation. If
you are unhappy, it's time to recognize that you are this way
and try to figure out what you are lacking.
Next, you have to define the problem. Often we think we know
what the problem is, but I find that I often externalize my problems.
It is so easy to blame other people for our unhappiness. It's
just as easy to blame others or even "circumstances" for our problems.
But the fact is that circumstances do not make us what we are,
but they show us who we are. Your problem has to be stripped
of all the external stuff and boiled down to things which you
can personally control. Sometimes there are things that we think
we can't control that we really can. For example, some of us think
that we can't control our job, but the fact is that we can. We
can quit, we can ask for a new office mate: there are lots of
changes we can make if we will just empower ourselves to do it.
Only after you have discovered that there is a problem and what
it is are you ready to start planning out what to do about it.
Often people start to do things before they have figured out
what the problem is. Just as often, instead of planning some course
to change things, people dwell on their problem and refuse to
dream up any courses of action. When you focus on your problem
like this it is called worry. "Worry" means thinking about what
you don't want. And the funny thing about life is that we usually
get the things we think about. Why worry? If anything, it will
help you create precisely what you're worrying about. Better to
dream at this stage; begin to think up alternatives and things
that you might do to change your problem situation.
Another really common response to some of the things you might
dream up is, "well the problem with that solution is ..." Do not
be afraid to exchange one problem for another. Often, there is
a clear path back to the previous problem, if the new problem
is worse. More often, though, I perceive that exchanging old problems
for new ones is a legitimate pathway of growth; face the fact
that we will always have problems, and we can dwell in our old
problems and stagnate, or trade them for new ones, and maybe in
a few years, the BIG problem won't seem so big.
After you have dreamed up several possible solutions, choose
one, then imagine how your problem would end up if you did this.
Keep working with your alternatives until you find an outcome
that you are happy with. Run through this script you've created
for yourself all the way through to the end several times.
Then start on it. It may not go the way you planned, but keep
in your mind your desired outcome. Focus not on the stumbling
path that you find yourself taking, but in the ultimate outcome,
the situation you're trying to create. You'll find that a lot
of the things that keep you from getting there are your excuses.
But excuses can be devastating to a plan. There is so much going
on inside of us that we all need an edge to get the better of
our subconscious, because left to it's own, it will run our lives.
It will give you rationalizations for not proceeding with your
plan. It will throw all kinds of emotional baggage in your way.
It will fight you every step, unless it is recruited to be your
ally instead of your enemy.
But here is one of the ways that magic rules your life. Either
way, your subconscious will tell you the same things, but framed
the right way, they are your friends. The wrong way, and you are
depressed, contrary, sad, and not any fun at all.
Western culture has a really big investment in analyzing all
of this, but it has been my experience that analysis cannot help
us overcome our emotional baggage. We can figure, analyze and
calculate to exhaustion, but after we finish, we are still scared.
Or jealous. Or grieving. Common sense does not cure your panic.
Basically, rationality has no hope of understanding emotions;
emotions are of the heart, not of the mind.
There are times when we doubt our own judgment on big issues.
Sometimes we think we might be going off the deep end, and I
ask, how deep is your deep end? Some of us have pretty deep deep
ends! I think mine is pretty deep. Certainly deep enough to drown
in, if I'm not careful to stay afloat. Fortunately, I learned
how to swim, and the real purpose of this article is to pass on
a few "strokes" for those of you who find yourselves just "treading
water" a lot.
You see, when you tread water, you use all your energy up and
never get anywhere. Not only is it easier to stay afloat when
your moving, but your also getting yourself out of the situation
that's causing you the problems in the first place. Maybe you'll
even find a part of the lake that isn't so deep, and you can reach
the bottom with your feet.
What I'm trying to say with this metaphor is that you have to
have a direction. Martin Luther King said, "I have a dream" and
his dream gave him the power to endure all the racism, violence
and rudeness so that he could bring his message to us. Proverbs
(in the Bible) says that without vision, the people perish. When
you lose your dreams, you die. Without our dreams we lack that
direction. We find ourselves on a treadmill going nowhere; or
treading in deep water, eventually to run out of energy and drown.
Sometimes our choices are horrifying. Sometimes we are scared
senseless about the decisions we have to make. We are paralyzed.
Perhaps we are empowered and productive employees, great family
people, contribute to the community in large ways, but in this
one little thing -- or big thing -- we simply can't move forward.
Perhaps our decisions are going to hurt people whom we care about.
Perhaps our decisions are going to hurt us; maybe we just can't
think of a course of action that doesn't hurt, or maybe it's simply
one of those cases where it's going to take more pain to get through
the existing pain.
Start by convincing your rational mind that you really want to
go through with it, that the decision needs to be made. You can
use such tricks as listing pros and cons and prioritizing your
results. Consider carefully what you would be leaving behind and
what you would be gaining by your chosen course of action. Think
about how they would affect all the areas of your life: your hobbies,
activities, relationships, work, church groups, spirituality,
etc. Then think about the advantages of staying where you are.
Do you really have to give these up?
Picture yourself five years down the road, and look and see what
it would feel like to have stayed where you are now all that time.
Would you feel as though you wasted those five years? And what
if you went ahead and proceeded; how would those same five years
look in retrospect?
We tend to cling to what is familiar. This is called inertia,
or the physical notion that an object at rest tends to stay at
rest. The emotion that favors inertia is fear, which is a response
of your body to change.
Ah, yes, fear. Just as we will always have problems, we will
always have fear. Fear is not an emotion associated with danger,
although often danger accompanies fear. Fear is more accurately
associated with the unknown; all fear is fear of the unknown.
If you're scared of snakes, you can assuage your fear by learning
all you can about snakes. You can study them, handle them, learn
how they behave, and you may always have a healthy respect of
them, but your fear will subside.
Fear is created in the mind. We can place a plank on the ground,
and let's make it easy: the plank is two feet wide and ten feet
long. Almost anybody can walk such a plank without falling off,
and with no fear at all. Place this same plank 200 feet above
the ground, and suddenly we have far fewer volunteers to walk
our plank. It's the same two feet wide, the same ten feet long,
but now your subconscious is not thinking about walking across
the plank; it's thinking about falling. And falling is what you
fear, not walking that plank.
So, don't think of falling. Convince yourself that you're going
to step off the other end unharmed. Picture it in your mind. While
you do that, consciously address the physical symptoms of fear,
the tightening of the gut and the shortened breath. Consciously
relax, and take long, slow breaths.
Fear has a survival value, a purpose. When you face an unknown
situation, it's advantageous to remember how you faced it, providing
you survive, so that a similar situation in the future will be
remembered instead of being unknown again. Memory, or more correctly
recall of memory, is linked to the emotional amplitude of the
memory. Things that cause you great pleasure or pain are more
easily remembered than mundane happenings. Fear is a gift given
to enhance our memory of facing unknown situations.
So when you begin to feel afraid, make an effort to realize that
the reason you're afraid is simply that you've never done this
before, and you a begin given the gift of clear memory for this
event.
And one more little facet: fear and excitement are the same feeling.
You can create the same physiological changes and emotional feelings
by excitement. At the top of a roller coaster, are your scared
or excited? Sometimes hard to tell, because they're really the
same. If you can take that "Oh, NO!" feeling and change it into
an "Oh BOY!" feeling, reframing fear into excitement, it's easier
to get over that drop. Then you can just hang on and scream like
the everybody else.
Another thing about fear often forgotten is that fear goes away
after you decide. Remember that plank? If you decide not to walk,
you aren't afraid any more. You decide that you will walk, and
know certainly that you'll succeed, your fear will be greatly
attenuated. Whether you do what you fear or you don't, the fear
goes away after you decide. Particular fear, that is.
Know that as long as you face new situations, you will have fear.
It's not something to escape or avoid. As surely as we grow,
as we make plans and advance... as sure as we solve a problem
now and then, we will have fear. Learn about fear, learn to be
friends with fear, and you'll be less controlled and paralyzed
by it. Just as we trade our old problems for new ones when we
grow, we trade our old fears for new ones. As long as there is
change, there will be new fears to face.
CHRISTINA'S BEAUTY WORKSHOP
All dressed up and nowhere to go? Polishing the silver should
be done more than twice a year, girls. Why not prepare yourself
a romantic dinner for YOU! If you are a kitchen ignoramus, you
can call a local deli or grocery store that has such a service
and have your dinner catered, or even order take out food from
a Chinese.
But really do it like a formal dinner. Decorate your table, and
be sure to have candles. Put on some soft dinner music, jazz or
classical. Use the good china and silver, and treat yourself like
a lady.
Want to protect your nails while gardening? Wear nail polish,
says Cutex, a major distributor of nail polish. Do you need any
more encouragement?
Don't shave your legs right after waking up. While sleeping,
your skin puffs up with fluids, and they need time to disperse.
Afterwards, the hair shafts will be more exposed.
Foundations with SPF 15 or more are a good way to deal with incidental
sun exposure of the kind you get driving or walking outdoors.
Few people, however, apply foundation evenly across the entire
face. Ears and neck, for example, are frequently unprotected and
are important areas to protect.
Makeup is less effective during sports or outdoor excursions.
Designed to be easy to apply and lighter in texture, cosmetics
wear off faster than a real sunscreen, so for activities in which
sun exposure is expected, don't depend on the sun protection in
makeup to be effective.